Variances in emotional expression: Preventing emotional explosions
Do you tend to find yourself in a cycle where everything is ok and then suddenly everything is not ok and you’re crying or emotionally erupting at the slightest inconvenience? If so you are not alone!
Our emotional experiences are a direct consequence of natural biochemical reactions occurring in our brain in seconds typically in response to exposure to a triggering event (Butnariu & Sarac, 2019). In contrast, feelings are the subjective interpretation of our emotions lasting for longer durations (the biochemical reactions occurring in the brain) (Fox, 2018). When we get really upset the amygdala in our brain receives these emotional signals and instantly activates our autonomic nervous system to engage in fight or flight reactions (freeze if we feel we can’t escape) (Weymar & Schwabe, 2016). As a consequence, information isn’t sent to the thinking parts of our brain for consideration and informed decision making before we respond, rather we are emotionally reacting and this emotional display is typically an over the top explosion.
When we experience stress for long periods of time, keeping our emotions and feelings in check by expressing them appropriately can feel like a full time job. This ability to self-regulation can vary from person to person, situation to situation and even day to day for any one person in response to the same trigger or event. What this means is on a good day we might feel and display minimal emotional distress in reaction to the same trigger that on a bad day causes us to feel and display such intense emotional distress that we are unable to express ourselves in a helpful way or even understand why we are so upset. Feeling vulnerable to these types of emotional outbursts and the intense physical sensations our emotions create is ironically what adds to our stress and emotional reactivity on any given day. We are also often time poor and don’t get to pick when and where we are emotionally triggered so emotional displays can often be experienced as inconvenient and potentially associated with negative judgement, humiliation, shame and in unsafe situations maybe even harsh criticism or harm (physical or psychological). Understandably we then develop patterns of protection to try and hide, mask or avoid our emotions to not feel distressed and or experience the negative consequences that can be associated with emotional expression.
While our emotions are in part inheritable, that is our temperment is part of our DNA (Cloninger, Cloninger, Zwir, & Keltikangas-Järvinen, 2019) and our early childhood environment also shapes our emotional expressions, there are a number of biological processes that occur in the brain when we experience emotions too. For example, when we get really upset we can do and say things we don’t really mean and later regret. This is because our emotion centre in the brain, the amygdala, hijacks our brains ability to conduct top down processing and consider information rationally in our frontal lobe. Instead, due to the perception of threat and feeling of fear, our amygdala drives bottom up processing whereby our sensory information, what we feel, influences how our brain tells us to react activating the fight or flight response. As previously suggested this level of emotional intensity and emotional reactivity can be an incredibly overwhelming experience both physically and emotionally and can have significant impact on our wellbeing in addition to our ability to resolve conflict and maintain healthy relationships.
We all have a human biological need for connection and belonging to promote safety, survival and longevity . As children we depend on our primary care givers and family of origin to meet these basic needs and teach us how to self-soothe, regulate and express our emotions. Research demonstrates that if we experienced high levels of conflict in our environment as children we are more likely to experience heightened emotional dysregulation as adults with difficulties maintaining relationships (Ogan, Monk, Thibodeau-Nielsen, Vennum, & Soloski, 2024). What this means is our early childhood relationships and experiences shape the way we learn to express ourselves, our emotions and display our needs over the course of our lifespan. If we don’t learn to do this in a healthy and effective manner emotional dysregulation and connection with others can become increasingly difficult.
There are a number of strategies you can use to promote your wellbeing, healthy expression of emotions and connection maintenance with others and they are really quite simple!
Intentionally observe and identify how you are feeling so rather than reacting and getting carried away in the moment spiralling out of control you breathe through the emotions until they pass.
Make it a habit to conduct regular body scans throughout your day to identify when you need to step back to rest and recharge to maintain optimal stress levels and focus.
If it doesn’t feel safe to express how you are feeling in the moment or to the person triggering an emotional response from yourself, set aside some time to write down how you are feeling without conscious thought. This will allow you to verbalise the sensory story or felt sense that is being activated which isn’t necessarily a present moment problem but a past moment reaction to something that hasn’t been resolved.
Develop your emotional intelligence and ability to describe and verbalise feelings and behaviours in a neutral or assertive manner to promote best outcomes when resolving conflict.
Sometimes we just need a safe person to remind us of our strengths and who we really are. While we can learn to avoid emotional expression at all costs, when done with a non-judgemental person emotional expression actually enhances our understanding of self and can strengthen our relationships.
If its not an appropriate time to express an emotion, focus your attention on your breath taking slow and controlled deep breaths to prevent the fight or flight activation or practice mindfulness strategies to help keep you grounded in the present moment and prevent reliving past traumatic experiences.
Learn some stress management strategies or discuss creative solutions with a trained professional.
The next time you find yourself in the midst of an emotional explosion or on the receiving end of one, take a moment to pause and reflect on or reflect back the emotion to clarify and understand what is really upsetting you or what it is you need. Positive wellbeing and healthy relationships require a level of emotional expression and vulnerability. It takes courage to authentically be ourselves and express our needs but the investment you make in understanding your emotional reactions positively influences how you feel, how you respond and the quality of your relationships.
If you feel you haven’t quite mastered emotional regulation strategies, stress management skills or emotional expression or if you would like to improve how you feel about yourself or your relationship with others book an appointment with Natasha Laroo from Serene Psychology today!
References
Butnariu, M., & Sarac, L. (2019). Biochemistry of Hormones that Influences Feelings. Annals of Pharmacovigilance & Drug Safety, 1(1). Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Monica-Butnariu/publication/334561821_Biochemistry_of_Hormones_that_Influences_Feelings/links/5d31b568458515c11c3d6556/Biochemistry-of-Hormones-that-Influences-Feelings.pdf
Cloninger, C., Cloninger, K., Zwir, I., & Keltikangas-Järvinen, L. (2019). The complex genetics and biology of human temperament: a review of traditional concepts in relation to new molecular findings. Translational Psychiatry., 9, 1-21. doi:10.1038/s41398-019-0621-4. PMID: 31712636; PMCID: PMC6848211
Fox, E. (2018). Perspectives from affective science on understanding the nature of emotion. Brain and Neuroscience Advances, 2. doi:10.1177/2398212818812628
Ogan, M., Monk, J., Thibodeau-Nielsen, R., Vennum, A., & Soloski, K. (2024). The role of emotional dysregulation in the association between family-oforigin conflict and romantic relationship maintenance. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 50, 28-44. doi: https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12667
Weymar, M., & Schwabe, L. (2016). Amygdala and Emotion: The Bright Side of It. 24(10). doi:10.3389/fnins.2016.00224